This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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