Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
