Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I just put wine in my tea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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