I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
