Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
