last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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