i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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