I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
