We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
