I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
