So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
