just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
