I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
