My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
