Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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