I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
