Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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