Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
