I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
