Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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