I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
