I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
