It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
did you just send me my own nude
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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