mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if only i could text you this smell
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
