I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
