We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They took my balls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
