threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
