I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
