She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
