I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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