I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
