Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
