i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
