I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
