I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
