i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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