I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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