i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
