I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there is puke in my bra ... again
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