this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
