that's an acceptable place to lick
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
