break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
