Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize