Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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