I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize