She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bet he comes in French.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
