I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
