That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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