This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
