Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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