I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
