i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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