Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
did i just pee glitter
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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