he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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