Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
