We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
