Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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