maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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