how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
