so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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