R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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