So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
