jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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