I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize