you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize