If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
