She said her name was "party"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
